Producing a workable thesis statement

Writers need a hypothesis or thesis statement to provide a specific focus for their work and to organize the parameters of their writing. Just as a topic sentence summarizes a single paragraph, the thesis statement summarizes an entire paper, article or book. It conveys the work’s overall point. Some writers begin with a thesis, based on their exploration of research questions; others discover their primary message in the course of the  reading, writing, or even editing.

Elements of a thesis statement

The parallel with the topic sentence continues; there are both subject and controlling idea in a thesis statement. They are simply broader than (and supported by) those of the topic sentences. An explicit thesis statement is generally expressed in one sentence and appears toward the end of the introduction. It is specific and typically focuses on one to three points of a single idea—points that are extended, supported and demonstrated in the body of the work. The following qualities are common in strong thesis statements.

Specificity
A thesis statement must concentrate on a specific area within a general topic. For example, health care is a broad topic, but a proper thesis statement targets a specific area, such as the options for individuals without health care coverage or the challenges of a particular treatment, condition or illness.

Precision
A strong thesis statement must be precise enough to present a coherent argument and to remain focused on the topic. If the specific topic is options for individuals without health care coverage, the precise thesis statement must make an exact claim about it, such as that limited options exist for those who are uninsured by their employers.

Ability to be argued
A thesis statement must present a relevant and specific argument. A factual statement is not considered arguable. The thesis statement must include a point of view that can be supported with evidence.

Ability to be demonstrated
A claim in a thesis must be accompanied by relevant reasons, examples, or applications.

Forcefulness
A thesis statement that is forceful presents an effective persuasive element. The tone is assertive and commonly takes a stance on an issue with more than one side.

Confidence
In addition to force, the thesis statement must show confidence. Wording that is personal, like “I feel” and “we believe”, or softeners like ‘seem’ and ‘could’ actually weaken the message. Taking an authoritative stance on the matter persuades readers that the argument is legitimate and supported.

Common issues with thesis statements

A thesis is weak when it is simply a declaration of a subject or a description of what will be discussed.

Weak thesis statement: This paper will explain why imagination is more important than knowledge.

Unreasonable or outrageous claims or insults do not represent a strong thesis.

Weak thesis statement: Religious radicals across America are trying to legislate their Puritanical beliefs by banning required high school books.

Obvious facts and ideas that no one can disagree with or that cannot be extended do not serve as thesis statements.

Weak thesis statement: Advertising companies use sex to sell their products.

Thesis statement revision

Thesis statements commonly evolve with the research and writing processes. Modification is thus part of the ongoing work. What begins as a working thesis statement, an early, indefinite statement on a topic used to plan and guide, is refined as the ideas are clarified. Working thesis statements solidify with additional supportive information, more definite theories or opinions, and reasons for those. Revision helps strengthen the thesis so that it aligns with the objectives and information in the body of the writing. Implementing a few revision strategies consistently will improve the overall message that the thesis is conveying.

1. Identify and replace all nonspecific words, such as people, everything, society, or life, with more precise words to reduce any vagueness.

Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.
Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence to find and maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The original is too broad and does not specifically define success.

2. Clarify ideas that need explanation through questions aimed at narrowing the thesis.

Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.
Revised thesis: The welfare system keeps a socioeconomic class from gaining employment by alluring members of that class with unearned income, instead of programs to improve their education and skill sets.

Joke is a poor word choice, as it is figurative language that carries numerous meanings. Readers bring various backgrounds and perspectives to the reading process and need concepts less subject to interpretation. Questions that lead to clarity include “What is funny about the welfare system? What is ironic about the welfare system? Who finds the welfare system laughable, and why?” By asking questions, a writer devises a precise and appropriate substitute for “joke”. Incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement produces a more accurately conveyed stance.

3. Replace any linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs are forms of the verb to be, a verb that simply states that a situation exists.

Working thesis: Kansas City schoolteachers are underpaid.
Revised thesis: Kansas City’s budget does not allocate sufficient salaries to educators, resulting in staffing issues and resignations in a district that needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.

The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are. Thesis statements are often weak when they do not express action. Questions can be deployed here to explore appropriate action verbs, thus forming a stronger thesis statement, one that takes a more definitive stance on the issue:
“Who is underpaying the teachers? What is considered ‘underpaying’? What is the problem? What are the results?”

4. Omit any general claims that are difficult to support.

Working thesis: Today’s teenage girls are too sexualized.
Revised thesis: Teenage girls who are captivated by the sexual images in the media are conditioned to believe that a woman’s worth depends on her sensuality, a feeling that harms their self-esteem and behavior.

It is true that some young women today are more sexualized than in the past, but that is not true for all girls. Many girls have strict parents, dress appropriately, and do not engage in sexual activity while in middle school and high school. This thesis is revised by considering “Which teenage girls are more sexualized? What constitutes ‘too’ sexualized? Where and at what age does this behavior typically emerge? What are the repercussions?”^[1]