3 How to Have a Coaching Conversation
Kristen Karpinski
Coaching Conversations Are Unique
One of the many things I learned in coach training is that coaching conversations are unlike ‘regular’ conversations. A simple conversation would likely include a discussion or exchange of thoughts and ideas on a common interest or topic; an ebb and flow of talking and listening, with more talking than listening. While coaching conversations are collaborative, our primary role as the coach is to actively listen to what our students are saying. We listen to what they say, but we also listen for what may be implied or hidden rather than explicitly stated. We will provide more information about listening in the next chapter.
The foundation of coaching is the conversation itself and, to coach effectively, the structure of our coach conversation is critical. The structure provides a consistent framework for the conversation and allows us to follow a defined process. By following the process, opportunities emerge in the conversation to ask our students powerful, open-ended questions. These powerful questions are the secret to helping students see situations from different angles, uncover their motivations, and spark new ideas. These are what many folks refer to as “aha moments.”
This chapter is written expressly to help in understanding what makes a coaching conversation unique, teach the necessary components of a coaching session, and provide a conversation framework to use in each meeting.
Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.
– Pete Carroll
Coaching – The Four Components
A. Preparation
Review notes from previous meetings to refresh your memory, be ready to pick up where you left off, and be ready to discuss progress for any goals or concerns.
Coach Pro Tip: Use reflective inquiry when discussing your students’ goal progression. E.g., Were you successful? Did it work? Why? Why not? What would you change? What did you learn?
B. The Meeting
Provide structure to each coaching meeting to help with effectiveness and productivity. Coaching is student-led, so they are in the driver’s seat, but you are the co-pilot with the map. See below for detailed steps.
C. Documentation
Keep notes during or after each student meeting. Maintaining a record of each conversation is enormously helpful in tracking important details, progress, and action items. Consider sending a summary e-mail to your students, as well.
D. Follow-up (if any)
Put reminders in your calendar to make sure you take care of any items you said you would. Following up shows your students you care and can be trusted to do what you say you are going to do.
Your Meetings – The Steps & Order *
1. Build Rapport – Building rapport is an ongoing process and should be a part of every interaction we have with our students. Spend time building rapport at the beginning of each meeting!
Why? Building rapport helps create a sense of connection between us and our students and helps create a supportive and safe environment where students feel comfortable sharing their thoughts. Good rapport is foundational for success in our coaching.
How? We can start to build rapport by generating small talk, being welcoming, being relaxed but professional, being genuine and sharing information about ourselves so the students can get to know us as people and not just as instructors/staff members. Allow time for the students to share about themselves. Be prepared with some questions to get them started, such as:
- “Tell me about your first week here at the U of A.”
- “Where is home?”
- “What is your major?”
- “What are you excited about this semester?”
- “What about college or this semester makes you nervous?”
2. Set the Agenda – Together with our students, we will determine the agenda or focus of the conversation.
Why? This step reinforces the belief that coaching is student-centered, and that students are the experts in their own lives. We are there to help provide some tools for navigation but, by collaborating with our students to set the agenda, we empower them to become independent and self-regulated learners. It subsequently builds trust and tends to increase their motivation because they are the ones who identified the topic.
How? Ask our students some initial probing questions such as:
- “What would be the best use of our time together today?”
- “Where is most of your stress/frustration/concern coming from right now?”
- “What goal(s) are you aiming for this week? Month? Semester?”
Listen carefully to what they are saying. Try to dig deeper by not taking their answers at face value. Use clarifying questions to help narrow topics that may be overly broad or have multiple angles:
- “What do you mean by…?”
- “How does this relate to…?”
- “Will you please elaborate on…?”
3. Assess and Explore – Once the agenda has been determined, it’s time to use all those wonderfully powerful, open-ended questions. (See the document on Powerful Questions in the Resource section) Open-ended questions should be used throughout the entire coaching session, however using them to assess and explore is essential.
Why? This step helps create clarity for our students (and us) around the importance/meaning behind their chosen topic and to develop as complete an understanding as possible of their current situation. Exploring the topic through powerful questions prompts our students to consider options, reflect on experiences and knowledge, identify strengths and weaknesses, create goals, acknowledge habits (good and bad), and imagine possibilities! Clarity is the name of the game in this step!
How? Be curious about your students and the topics they have chosen, and ask powerful questions that prompt the student to reflect and think more carefully and deeply about the topic. Some example questions could be:
- “Why is this topic important to you?”
- “Why do you think that?”
- “What part of this topic have you not yet explored?”
- “What is the challenge?”
- “What is the opportunity?”
- “Why do you think your desired outcome hasn’t already been achieved?”
- “What are your common distractions or roadblocks?”
Also, one of my favorite phrases (which can be used in nearly any conversation) is, “Tell me more.”
4. Determine Goals and Create a Plan – In this step of the conversation, the results of exploring and assessing get put to a practical test. For our students, this is where they find the greatest value in working with a coach.
Why? Exploring and assessing makes for great conversation but does nothing for our students unless they determine goals and develop plans for action. Goals help our students focus their efforts, increase their motivation and productivity, and measure their progress. Plans, in comparison, help our students know what steps are needed to achieve their goals. A well-thought-out plan is one that maps out specific steps leading students from point A to point B.
How? The culmination of steps 1, 2, and 3 above, should help our students to narrow down and determine what goal(s) is most important to them right now. Once the goal is clear, I recommend working with your students to help them create SMART goals . Most importantly, is for our students to make their goals specific so they can be tracked for progress. For example, a student might say they want to do better on their next exam. A specific goal would be, “I want to complete 100% of the homework assignments between now and my next exam.” This goal provides a measurable task and a completion date.
5. Close the Session – Do not skip this step! It is tempting to breeze through this step or not complete it at all because we simply don’t think it’s necessary.
Why? Summarizing a session thoughtfully and purposely brings everything together. It helps our students reflect on topics discussed, progress made, and insights realized during our conversations. The closing is a prime opportunity for our students to realize the value they get out of meeting with us.
How? Start ending the conversation with enough time left. When my student finishes a line of thought, I often say something like, “We’ve got about 10 minutes left, now is probably a good time to start wrapping up our meeting. Before we do that, is there anything else pressing you want to talk about?”
Assuming there is not, I summarize our meeting or ask my student to summarize our meeting and then I ask a couple of follow-up questions:
- “What did you learn about yourself today?”
- “On a scale of 1-10, how confident are you that you will complete your goal?”
- “What might get in the way of your follow-through?”
- “You shared earlier that this goal is important to you, what can we address right now that would help you feel more confident that you will complete it?”
- “What value or character strength do you have that would help you to follow through on taking these actions?”
IMPORTANT – before your students leave
Confirm the next meetings (see Coach Pro Tip below under How Students Make the Most of The Coaching Process)
Consider these two conversations.
After reading both, reflect on them using the provided prompts.
Conversation #1
Instructor Smith: Taylor, I’ve noticed your first couple of test grades have been below the class average.
Student (Taylor): I’ve been struggling to keep up with the workload, Instructor Smith.
Instructor: Let me offer you some tips. First, prioritize your assignments based on deadlines and importance. Break larger tasks into smaller steps and tackle them one at a time.
Taylor: Okay, that sounds like a good approach.
Instructor: Also, make use of organizational tools like planners or apps to track your assignments and due dates. This will help you stay focused and ensure nothing slips through the cracks.
Taylor: I could probably go to the bookstore to look for a planner.
Instructor: Lastly, don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re struggling or need clarification on any assignments. Remember, managing your workload effectively is about balance and consistency.
Taylor: Thanks for the advice, Instructor Smith. I’ll try to do better on the next test.
Conversation #2
Instructor: Taylor, I’ve noticed your first couple of test grades have been below the class average. Let’s sit down and discuss how we might improve them.
Student (Taylor): I’ve been struggling to keep up with the workload, Instructor Smith.
Instructor: I bet that’s frustrating. You know, it’s really common for students to adjust how they handle their academics once in college. How about you? How do you approach your studying?
Taylor: Each night, I try to look at the syllabus to see what is due for homework the next day. If I know I have a test, I usually study the night before.
Instructor: How has that been working for you?
Taylor: In high school, it worked great. But now I have to stay up really late to get homework done, and sometimes I have missed some deadlines because I can’t finish all the assignments on time. When I have a test the next day, I spend the night studying for that and not working on my other homework at all. Last week, I had two tests in one day. It was a disaster. I don’t know what to do.
Instructor: What I hear you saying is that you run out of time and feel overwhelmed when there are multiple, competing priorities going on. Can you think of a time when you have been successful in a similar situation in the past?
Taylor: In my junior year I played volleyball, worked a bunch, and had really hard classes. It was a lot and my grades weren’t so good. My mom made me write everything down on a calendar. Every day she asked me about due dates and tests. It was annoying, but it actually kind of worked.
Instructor: So, what can you learn from that situation that might help you with this one?
Taylor: I never thought about that. I should probably buy a planner so I can write everything down in one place. I probably need to look at my calendar more often, too, so I can plan better when things get busy.
Instructor: Those are great ideas. How about we check in next week to see how things are going? Also, feel free to discuss class assignments with me or seek clarification on concepts you find challenging.
Reflection Prompts:
- What are your initial reactions to the conversations? Similarities? Differences? Pros? Cons?
- If you were Taylor, what impression(s) would you be left with after each conversation? Why?
- Which conversation would be more likely to prompt you, the student, to take action and implement the ideas discussed? Why?
* Meeting With Your Students for the First Time
We only get to have one ‘first meeting’ with each student and, as we all know, first impressions are lasting impressions. So, we want to be prepared with a well-developed elevator speech. An elevator speech is our best opportunity to establish expectations and to “sell’ the benefits of coaching! We want our students to get excited about coaching and to believe in the benefits of meeting with us. If students are open to the coaching process and have a positive attitude about it, they are way more likely to show up for our meetings, come more prepared, and be more fully engaged.
What is an Elevator Speech?
When I was a business student as an undergrad, I was introduced to the importance of having a well-prepared elevator speech for myself. The premise is a good one: sometimes we may only get a short amount of time to introduce ourselves, communicate who we are, and how we would add value to a company, employer, or client (in this case, our students). This brief “commercial” should take no more than about 30-60 seconds- the time it takes to ride an elevator from the bottom floor to the top floor of a building.
Content to Consider When Developing An Elevator Speech
What Coaching Is
-
- A partnership
- Personalized 1:1 meetings
- Support designed to help our students maximize their potential and put them in the best position possible to achieve their academic goals
- Conversations that put our students’ goals, dreams, and plans at the center of every meeting
- NOT advising, counseling, or mentoring
How Coaching Benefits Our Students
-
- Better organizational and time management skills
- Increased confidence and motivation
- Enhanced study techniques
- Improved academic achievement
- Greater personal accountability
- Support from a staff member who is knowledgeable about the U of A, has established connections across campus, and who will be their biggest cheerleader
How Students Make the Most of The Coaching Process
-
- Students should attend 3-4 meetings throughout the semester
- Coach Pro Tip: When wrapping up our first meeting, schedule three additional meetings right then. I use a very assumptive approach. In other words, I don’t ask my student if it’s okay to meet again and I don’t tell them that I’ll reach out to them in a few weeks to schedule our next meeting. I almost always say something like, “We’ll meet three additional times this semester so I’ve reserved October 1st, October 29th, and December 3rd. These are all Tuesdays, like today’s meeting, and they will all be at (insert time).”
- Students should be “coachable”
- Believe they can get better at something by dedicating time, energy, and effort (see the chapter Nurturing the Growth Mindset in Our Students)
- Be open and honest
- Students should attend 3-4 meetings throughout the semester
Review
There are generally four components of a coaching session – prep, meet, document, and follow-up. For coaches, these session components provide the overall structure of the process of coaching and is a structure that is easily repeated and maintained over time. The heart of each session, however, is the actual meeting, the coaching conversation itself. The steps (framework) followed in the conversation are the backbone and, without it, our conversations aren’t really coaching. Following the meeting steps allows us to apply the principles, tools, and techniques that will guide our coaching process and interactions with our students. It helps us focus our conversations, ask powerful questions, provide feedback, and foster our students’ learning and growth.
Key Takeaways
- Following the conversation steps turns a regular conversation into a coaching conversation.
- The four components of coaching provide a simple outline that is easily followed and repeated: Preparation, meeting, documentation, follow up.
- The initial meeting with your student is the best time to set the tone and expectations for all future meetings. Be prepared.
- Use assumptive language when talking with students about additional coaching meetings.
References
Askew, P. (2023, May 9). The power of putting your client’s agenda first in coaching. ACT Leader.
Benson, D. (n.d.). 7 reasons why planning is the key to success. Retrieved from https://dianebenson.co.uk/7-reasons-why-plan-key-success
B360 Nepal. (2023, May 9). Leadership: Finding the order in chaos. Retrieved from https://www.b360nepal.com/detail/9676/leadership-finding-the-order-in-chaos
The Coaching Tools Company. (2021). Coaching intake session checklist & template. A division of Simplicity Life Coaching Ltd.
Coaching Outside the Box. (n.d.). Ending a coaching session well. Retrieved from https://www.coachingoutsidethebox.net/end-coaching-session/#:~:text=Ending%20a%20coaching%20session%20well,and%20we%20move%20to%20action
Hess, J., & Daley, L. (2022). Do your best coaching: Navigating a coaching engagement from start to finish. DYBC Press, LLC.
Howlett, M. A., & Rademacher, K. (2023). Academic coaching: Coaching college students for success. Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003291879
Sternad, D. (2021). Developing coaching skills: A concise introduction. econcise.
Williams, J. A. (2020). Academic Life Coach 1.0 training guide (5th ed.). John Andrew Williams.
NOTE: In the literature and among coaching programs and practitioners, you will find differences in what sources say makes up a coaching conversation. Despite some variations, the model above is a standard in the field and is what you will apply in your coach meetings.
Media Attributions
- conversation-junction © AXLE themes
